After several autumn rains, the sky was clear in yuyuantan park last Saturday afternoon. In this season when cherry blossoms are already out of season, the tourist density of Yuyuantan is comfortable, and it takes ten meters to meet a few brisk runners. But in Liuchunyuan Scenic Area, it is another busy scene. A weekly blind date party is being held here. More than 100 parents of "leftover men and women" are looking for marriage partners for their children, which is as lively as a temple fair. In Beijing, Yuyuantan’s dating corner has long been a minor celebrity, almost as famous as Tiantan Park, Taoranting Park and Zhongshan Park.
Professor Li Tonggui from Peking University College of Psychology and Cognitive Science teaches the course Psychology of Love in Peking University and Beijing Foreign Studies University. Yuyuantan’s blind date angle attracted the attention of students from Beijing Foreign Studies University. Under the guidance of Li Tonggui, they completed the investigation of Yuyuantan’s blind date angle and formed a more systematic study.
In an interview with the Beijing Evening News reporter, Li Tonggui said: "Now the blind date corner in Beijing Park is actually the choice of marriage partners by parents instead of their children, which is full of parents’ preferences and the success rate is not high. Over the years, the blind date angle has gradually become a social and communication platform for the elderly. "
No, it’s best to go to Kyoto, Beijing, Beijing and Beijing
Liuchun Garden was built in 1983, and it became a blind date corner about 11 years ago. Sister Xu, who comes here every week to find someone for her daughter, said, "The west side of (Beijing) used to be in Zizhuyuan, but later it moved here." Open lawns, surround courtyards and towering trees, and divide Liuchun Garden into a relatively independent garden, which just meets the requirements of mutual communication and privacy protection for blind date.
It is said that it is a blind date. In fact, there are very few children involved. What we see at the scene are old people who replace their children’s blind date. Every old man is well prepared, and the basic information of his children is printed on almost quite standard white cardboard. Some people are reserved, holding cardboard in their hands and even carrying it in their bags. Some often come, and they have long ignored the eyes of passers-by and laid cardboard on the ground.
Age, height, education, marriage history … … The information on the cardboard is clear and definite, but the most crucial thing is the material conditions. The most "beautiful" is directly printed with "Kyoto, Beijing, Beijing and Beijing cars". "This cardboard, like a business card, basically knows what to do here." What’s the number? Sister Xu explained: "For example, the parents of girls in Beijing definitely want to find a local uncle in Beijing."
In Xu Jie’s view, the Beijing hukou implies that the young couple will live in Beijing in the future and will not be too far away from their parents. Beijing real estate is the basic housing guarantee. And Beijing license plate means a higher quality of life.
Only when both parents are satisfied with their children’s conditions will they move on to the next step and exchange contact information. "Parents talk first, almost, and then tell the children. If the parents don’t like it, there will be nothing behind." Sister Xu has participated in the blind date corner of Yuyuantan many times, but so far she has not gained anything. She said that in recent years, there have been more children from other places, and it is getting harder and harder to find a satisfactory one. "I have no other meaning, that is, I don’t want my daughter to leave Beijing after getting married."
Interpretation:
Li Tonggui believes that a blind date with parents as the main body will naturally have a strong parental preference. "For the sake of their children’s married life, parents will pay more attention to material conditions, which is understandable. But there must be a generation gap between the older generation and the young. Many older people get married first, then fall in love and cultivate their feelings. Young people, on the other hand, believe in feelings and feel good, and getting married is a natural thing. It’s not that material conditions are not important, especially in a metropolis like Beijing. It’s just that young people are more willing to fall in love first and then consider the material conditions for marriage. "
The number of unbalanced leftover women is far more than that of leftover men.
Sister Xu’s daughter is 35 years old, busy with work, and still unmarried. "There are many cases like my daughter here," she said. There are far more "leftover women" than leftover men in the matchmaking corner. When the reporter visited, he found that many parents of girls born in 1988 or even 1990 also came to the blind date corner.
Zhang Shu’s daughter has just turned 30. "The child is not in a hurry, I am in a hurry. Once the girl is over 30 years old, it is not easy to find it." He hoped that his daughter could get married early, but found that there were too few suitable boys for the blind date.
"My niece graduated from graduate school and did a good job. This is the matter of finding an object. I didn’t pay attention to it and delayed it." Like all fathers who regard their daughters as the apple of their eyes, Zhang Shu’s idea is: "I have to find something slightly better than my daughter, at least almost the same."
I can run a few blind date corners, and Zhang Shu found it hard to find.
Interpretation:
"We have been concerned about the phenomenon that there are more leftover women than leftover men for a long time." Li Tonggui said that many of the "leftover women" in Beijing are highly educated and high-income people. "Their knowledge and material reserves can satisfy their pursuit of quality of life, so they are subjectively not attached to men’s ideas."
On the other hand, "in school, after reading a master’s degree or above and working hard in the workplace for a few years, women will soon be over 30 years old and become what everyone thinks ‘ Leftover women ’ " . He believes that women pay for degrees, which easily leads to narrow social circles; Paying for the position will lead to less spare time. "Moreover, in Chinese’s traditional concept of marriage and love, women will habitually look for a spouse who is stronger than themselves, which also causes them to choose a marriage partner, which is even smaller."
Have hidden regrets about interfering with campus romance.
Seeing that there is no substantial progress, Zhang Shu is a little anxious. He wants to try his luck in Zhongshan Park again on Sunday. At the blind date corner, every parent is in a hurry. Zhang Shu said, "Everyone is in a hurry, or else they won’t come to practice stalls."
Lao Han, with his son’s information, sat on the periphery of the blind date corner. He didn’t take the initiative to "search" the information, but believed in the eye. "Look at the parents first. How about children, how much can be reflected from parents. " Lao Han’s son is excellent — — High flyers, a company executive, has a wide range of hobbies, but he has never been in a hurry to find someone. "Their unit, male colleagues. At the beginning, there were many girls at school, but unfortunately he was not allowed to find them. "
Parents who have interfered with campus romance like Lao Han are not uncommon in the blind date corner. "I now feel that the campus is relatively simple, not as realistic as the society." Lao Han has some regrets, but he can’t recover it. He only hopes that his son can allocate more time to find someone.
Interpretation:
Li Tonggui revealed that the students have sincerely recorded their feelings in the homework of Psychology of Love, among which there are many examples of parents interfering with campus romance. "Parents consider the influence of falling in love on their children from various angles. However, it may not be considered that the student period is the most youthful and budding period of a person. When you step into the society, parents will encourage you again, and your children may be more or less shadowy and emotional. "
The one with the longest anxiety has been dating for ten years.
"Is this your child’s information?"
"Yes, is your family a boy or a girl?"
"Boy. What about your home? "
"My girl."
"Oh, what’s the requirement?"
… …
Conversations like this happen all the time in the blind date corner. Not only Yuyuantan on Saturday afternoon, but also Zhongshan Park on Sunday afternoon, the Temple of Heaven on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and Taoranting on Thursday.
Sister Xu said that among the blind date parents she knows, the longest one has been in Yuyuantan Blind Date Corner for ten years. "The old sister can’t come by herself, so let me help her get the information about her son."
Many parents report that the success rate of the matchmaking corner is not high, and several major parks turn down and often meet acquaintances. Sister Xu is such an "acquaintance". She basically doesn’t move her nest. She almost always sits in a fixed corner of the Spring Garden and chats with familiar parents. Some people take the initiative to ask before responding to a few words.
The reporter asked her if she would "report" to her daughter every time she went home after a blind date. She waved her hand. "If there is nothing in particular, it goes without saying.".
Interpretation:
"Our research also found that how many children’s opinions can parents actually represent? Not much. " Li Tonggui believes that parents who frequent the blind date corner have gradually turned the blind date corner into a chat corner and a social platform for the elderly.
"Children are busy and have their own lives. For marriage and love, they may not be so anxious, but parents are a little too anxious. They went to various blind date corners to appease their anxiety. "
Li Tonggui feels that the mode of blind date angle, without the will of children and only the participation of parents, has very limited practical effect.
"Parents should encourage their children to go out and run, climb mountains and have an outing. Internet technology makes it easier for people to communicate with each other, but it is the core element necessary to develop intimate relationships — — A sense of warmth and security cannot be provided by the virtual world. It is not helpful for parents to exchange a WeChat for their children. It is better to let children leave computers and mobile phones, participate in outdoor activities, and increase opportunities for contact with the opposite sex. "
Our reporter Sun Yi D175
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